Working at keeping a “normal” life when you live with a person who has dementia takes more than patience, it takes creativity. The most difficult part is when things they always did correctly become more difficult for them to maneuver.  A perfect example of this change in Mom is her going to the mailbox to collect the mail. Mom cannot differentiate between incoming and outgoing mail.  I learned that when I put mail out to be collected by the mail-person, it was often retrieved by Mom and put on the table as incoming. So I am careful to put the mail out and monitor its retrieval by our mail carrier.

Harmless right? Well last week I received my forwarded bundle of mail from my San Diego address (no I have not yet put in a change of address) and in the packet was a cancellation letter from my Cobra insurance. My health insurance, dental and vision all cancelled back to February.

An explanation is in order here because I waited until the last week possible to pay my four months of Cobra coverage, hoping I would not need to use it before I got a new job with new insurance. However with an emergency room visit for a kidney infection, two subsequent doctor visits, an emergency visit to the dentist and then a tooth extraction and an impending tooth implant….well that insurance was critical to me.

So last week I put the insurance payment along with two or three other household bills, in the mailbox for the mail-person. I waited until I saw her parking on the street before I put the mail out. It was however our pool repair week and I was being pulled to the backyard constantly for questions and discussions on the project .

So when I received the cancellation notice I panicked and tore apart Moms house looking for the bills I had placed in the mailbox. I found two of the letters in my Moms underwear drawer. Although I never found my insurance payment letter I knew it had disappeared into the black hole of dementia never to be recovered …. or found a year from now in some obscure place.  I cried and cried knowing I had now incurred thousands of dollars of medical and dental bills.

I called the Cobra number to plead my case but they were closed. So I did the only thing I could think to do…..I prepared and drank the biggest Martini I could make (I know that was not a  healthy reaction, but it helped). Mom sat with me not able to understand why I was so upset because of course I never told her, as that is not only pointless but not helpful.  She kept telling me in her confusion over the situation “Now I don’t want you to bother helping me with anything tonight, I am fine.” That of course made me feel worse because I didn’t want her to know it had anything to do with her actions. Finally I was able to collect myself and Mom and I sat outside and had a nice evening together.

This story you should know does have a happy ending. First thing the next morning I called my Cobra insurance and they said everyone gets ONE mistake and this would count as mine.  I was able to make the payment over the phone and now my insurance is intact. And I have since made a few trips to the beautiful big post office here in Carson City. Lesson learned.