I took a much-needed respite from taking care of my Mother, made easier by the fact the my sister was able to stand in for much of the time. A home health service filled in the gaps.

Anyone can tell you that leaving behind the responsibility of care-giving is a difficult task. The needed break is occasionally interrupted by reach-outs to you for clarifications on day-to-day details or you back for reminders and check ins. It would seem not so different from a parent leaving behind a child to go on vacation, or a spouse while on a work trip. But it is very different.

My Mother doesn’t remember that I was there with her day-to-day, but when I leave the change in routine creates a shift. Somewhere in her mind is a consciousness of disruption and so she can become difficult to manage and uncooperative.

I am the go to person on the call list to talk Mom in or out of a situation when she is being difficult. Mom does pretty well with family as she sees them as just visiting and so that makes their being in her home reasonable. But once the paid caregivers step in, the phone begins to ring with questions like “Who is this person in my house” or “I want you to tell her to leave right now”.  Thus begins the reminders of why she needs help and the negotiations for cooperation. It brings a whole new meaning to the word “respite”.

The break however is still welcome and despite the occasional interruptions is so important for caregivers of people with dementia to create for themselves. I find it gives me a new focus on what I need to do differently for me when I return.   It serves as a reminder that I need to be a better steward of my own well-being so that both Mom and I can have a more quality life. Isn’t that supposed to be the point of this after all?