Mom was wandering around one morning looking very tired.  I asked did she feel OK and she said yes she felt fine. But her demeanor was so quiet and her energy so low that I asked her to sit with me for a minute and talk. I imagined it would be a long question and answer session to try and ferret out the true source of her problem.

She sat down next to me and I said “Mom you just don’t seem yourself. Are you sure you are OK?” Mom looked at me and to my surprise she put an immediate finger on the emotion she was experiencing and said “I think I am just depressed.” I was surprised because she had the cognition to distinguish what she was really feeling.

I asked why she thought she might be depressed and she answered “Because I got old. I used to be active and zoom, zoom here and there. Now I just sit around and do nothing with no one.” My instant reaction was to tell her she was not alone, that I was there, she had visitors at least once a month and that we went out and did things together all the time. But instead I held her hand and I said that I was sorry she was depressed and that I imagine it must be difficult to get old and come to terms with not having the life you once did.

I felt it was really important at that time to empathize with Mom in one of the rare moments she was able to recognize her true emotions. So often with people who have dementia, they are feeling one thing but act out a different emotion because of their inability to distinguish between them. Mom was very clear about why she was sad and I didn’t want to diminish her feelings or be dismissive.

Celebrating clear cognition does not only come with happy thoughts and good memories. What makes us human is the nuance of emotions and the intellect to be able to recognize the distinctions. It doesn’t always bring joy to the person having the emotions but it is part of the process we all must go through in life.

Mom and I sat together quietly for a while then I said “Well we can sit here and be depressed for a while or I can take you to lunch…you choose.”  Mom said “Lunch sounds like more fun” …and she was off of the couch in a hurry to find her purse and her lipstick.