My Mother keeps trying to get me to leave. At least once a day she will ask me when I am going home or say “OK well I don’t need you anymore you can go home now.” Most of the time I know she is confusing me with a paid caregiver, but some days I can tell she just wants to be alone. I am not sure why but at times it seems easier for her not to have people around. At those times I will try to keep a low profile and stay out of her way to give her privacy. But it is inevitable that we have to be in each others company at times during the day.

It is easier when she thinks I am from the care service because when I remind her that I am her daughter she acts like it is news to her and then will be glad I made the effort to come visit and be happy to know who I am. It is hardest when she knows who I am but still wants me to leave.

On one such occasion when she asked me to leave I said ” Mom I am you daughter Monica and I am visiting you from San Diego. I can’t leave because I am here to see you.”  Mom asked “Why do you want to see me?” I said “You are my Mother and I love you and want to spend time with you.”  Moms answer was “Don’t you have a life and a husband and children that you should be with? Why are you wasting your time up here with me! Go live your own life.” Ouch!

No matter how hard I try, it is hard to reconcile the contradiction of a person who in the past could not wait for each and every one of my visits, to this person with dementia who is trying to find ways to get me to leave her alone all the time. Yes it is Moms way of trying to find control in a state of mind that offers her none. Yes it is not her talking it is the dementia, but it is still hard to hear your Mother, who always made you feel adored, trying to ditch you all the time!

I finally told her that no matter what I had going on in my life that she was still my Mother, that I loved her and cared about her, so she will just have to get used to my being around every once in a while. She looked at me and rolled her eyes and said “Brother how boring for you.” I laughed and said “Well it would be a lot more enjoyable for both of us if you could just be happy to see me and leave it at that.” Mom commented “I will try but I won’t make any promises.” I have no doubt that is one she will keep!