Leaving to go back to San Diego is always a bit stressful. Not that Mom doesn’t manage quite well with caregivers, but it stresses me out because I have to trust others will be diligent. It is very easy to give in to Moms persistent protestations about not needing help, asking you to leave or worse yet when she is down right rude about your being around.

Her focus and cognition have improved a bit with her new medications, which became a mixed blessing. The better she does the more she is aware others are around to help and the more offended Mom is that we think she needs assistance. So, it can be very difficult for the caregivers to manage being in the house when she is constantly finding ways to try and get them to leave.

The instruction is clear and specific.  They are to reference the list of her children, starting with me,  to call so we can explain to Mom why help is in the house and it shifts the blame to us and off the caregivers. This is not hard but seems the last thing they do to try and address the situation! Very frustrating.

To be fair I think some may think it is an admission they cannot handle the situation on their own. But in reality there are times I cannot get her to cooperate and unfortunately I have no stand in person to which to pass off my frustrations. However I do not think it is an excuse to not call and ask for help and consequently it turns me into a micro manager.

We have cameras throughout the common areas and this gives me an opportunity to monitor caregivers and comings and goings at the house. So it was frustrating to be viewing the other night and see no hint of a caregiver. After 15 minutes I called the service who called the woman who, as it turns out, was sitting in her car because Mom asked her to leave. Really?

We are fortunate and cursed in that Mom does not need constant attention, just assistance. It does take finesse to be able to help without being intrusive and at the same time keep her in the mindset that she still has some semblance of control of her life. We are lucky that most of the caregivers are able to do that with success but I wish time away could be more relaxing and less management on my part!