It feels like I have been fighting to move through molasses these past eight months in my efforts to find a course of care that creates a balance.  One that works for Mom and one that I can do consistently with minimal stress to my daily life. Trying to find the path, create a life were we can live in harmony, or at best with minimal resistance from my Mother, has been elusive.

I am not complaining nor am I surprised by the weight of it, as it was expected. My experience with Mothers dementia has been one of many years and so the challenges were known and most of them familiar. But certainly there have been so many variations, twists and turns in her reactions, her behavior and her frustrations, that in no way could all of it have been anticipated….that is the gift and the curse of dementia.

Like all paths we follow, you eventually find a level place, a clearing or a beautiful view that gives you pause. These bits of change give us respite, a new perspective or an understanding of why we make the journey in the first place. They are changes we know will present themselves along the way but typically we do not know around what corner they will come, but still we press on hopefully.

My journey found such a place when my sweet Mother showed up today. She came up to me as I was doing dishes and put her arms around me, kissed me on the cheek and said “I appreciate that you are here with me to keep me from being so lonely. Thank you.” Then again, after dinner she turned to me and announced “I know you are busy but I am glad you took the time to spend some with me.” It was remarkable to me that she was so full of sweetness and consideration until I reminded myself that this is the Mother I have always known…she has just been lost for a while.

Finally as I lay in bed reading, there was a tap at my bedroom door. I answered for her to come in and Mom opened the door, popped her head in the room and asked if I had to go home tomorrow back to San Diego. I answered “No Mom I will be here for a few more weeks.” She smiled broadly, clapped her hands together lightly and exclaimed “Oh good for me that makes me happy! Well goodnight dear.” and she gently closed the door and was off to bed.

And all at once I knew I was in the clearing, I felt the level ground and the weight of the journey was so much lighter.  My heart was touched and I sensed the familiar in my life with my Mother, the comfort and the joy of being home…..If only for a day, it was one where I was once again welcomed home.