Moms new memory care home/living situation seems to have settled into a comfortable stride for both mother and me. Mom seems to not notice that that she is in a “facility” and I seem to be able to manage daily visiting without the guilt of leaving with the heavy heart I experienced with each exit in the early weeks.

I try to slip in to visit during the down time when she has no activities so I can share time with her alone in her room before events and meals. It works out very well as I walk her down to dinner or lunch in the dining room and it makes it easier to leave her to something to look forward to when I depart, as a distraction.

Today, as I walked mom from her room to the elevator, I explained that we were going down to dinner. As we stepped into the elevator Mom asked was I joining her for dinner. I told her that I had a previous commitment but that I would like for her join me at my home the following evening for dinner if she thought that would fit into her schedule. She was grateful for the invitation and then replied, “You know one of these times I would like to invite my husband to join us.” Keeping in mind my therapeutic lying I responded with, “That would be great!”

As we descended she looked at me and asked, “You don’t have a husband do you?” In my defense, and at the risk of objectifying all men who hold this honor in love and grace, I had to dumb this down to the fact that this is just a favorite topic of my mother’s. No offense is intended, she just loves the idea of women being married to a man. Knowing this is a favorite topic I fell into step with a response and answered, “No I don’t Mom, but I was thinking of getting one. What do you think?” Mom answered, ” I think that is a good idea. I think you would enjoy it.”

We quietly rode down to the next floor and just as the elevator door opened she looked over at me, and with a knowing smile and said, ” Or at least least you could just pretend.”