I asked my Mom to go for a ride with me in my Truck today as I was going out to drop something to my Toy Hauler at the storage yard. She agreed to join me,  happy to get out of the house.

Mom was sitting comfortably in the passenger seat and was wearing a short-sleeved shirt.  She looked over to the passenger side mirror and suddenly remarked “My arm looks like a dead thing lying on the floor! Look it at shriveled up.” I laughed and reasoned “Well I guess we all die slowly, piece by piece.” She looked at me with her deadpan expression and said “Or all at once lying on the floor.”

I continue to try to find programs that my Mother can follow on the television and enjoy watching.  The success stories continue to be Jeopardy and The Wheel of Fortune.

Tonight I was lucky on Jeopardy getting many of the questions correct before the contestants gave the answers.  My Mom usually congratulates me on getting the correct responses but she was in a bit of a mood tonight.  After I got a few answers right she looked over at me and said “Lot of good it does you sitting here! You should be sitting in there!” as she pointed to the television.  Right Again.

A critical part in dealing with someone who has dementia is keeping a semblance of routine. Change is difficult for many of us but people with dementia are hard at work keeping their thoughts organized, so change can be very disruptive. Consequently,  you can appreciate how a backyard pool repair project, that could no longer be delayed,  put a new wrinkle to our daily routine.

Imagine having a beautiful pool you enjoy all summer long and coming out one day to have it look like this! The fact that Mom was witness to each repair step along the way has no bearing, because most of what Mom can remember is in the moment. This is her “new” view each time she walks into the backyard.

It is interesting that my Mother can retain some information about this project and accept it as fact. For instance, she understands (after MUCH repetition) the pool had a leak that needed to be fixed, that this project is the result of 30 years of deferred maintenance and yes there is money in the bank to pay for the project.

But what she cannot understand is that the workers did not dig the pool to its current depth. I reminded Mom that Dad was the one who had the pool built with the deep end at almost 11 feet so he could play around with his scuba tanks!

However she refuses to believe it was that deep to begin with.  So every fifteen or twenty minutes, of every hour they are working, Mom goes into the  backyard to tell the workers (who by the way have a bit of a language barrier) to fill it in because the pool is too deep! Mom receives smiles and waves from the guys, I intercept her and steer Mom back into the house.

And so begins our new routine ….. …for the next five days!

They say no good deed goes unpunished and I am starting to believe that may be true. Since coming to stay with my Mother I have jumped from one illness to the next. This last week brought me a very nasty chest cold coupled with a problem tooth that required an emergency visit to the dentist and a prescription for a round of antibiotics.

I took Mom for a ride in the car with me down to the pharmacy to fill my prescription so she could get out of the house. We went in the drive-through pick up window and while we were waiting I had a sudden coughing attack. My Mom started laughing and said, “Wow you are really sick aren’t you?”

Once I recovered, I gave her a surprised look.  She held my gaze for a few beats and then she said apologetically “Oops,  you are not supposed to laugh when someone is sick are you?” That made me laugh and I answered “NO Mom not typically!” She smiled and said “Well I will try to do better next time.” At this rate it is only a matter of time before she gets her chance!

I had friends visiting from Germany and San Diego last week and  were all staying with us at the house in Carson. As expected we stayed up late visiting, laughing and drinking wine the first night. Mom declined to join us but was in and out trying to assess the situation.

The second night mirrored the first with us laughing and talking in the living room. Mom declined to join us and kept coming in to check the activity only to leave again. Finally at 9:30 p.m. she came in and said “Ok you all can stay until 10:00 but then I will need you to all go home, it’s getting late.”  OKAY I am 56 years old and my Mother is still sending my friend’s home!

We all promised we would “leave” and were in bed by 10:00 as requested.

Mom woke up yesterday morning in a horrible state of confusion. I had to help her get dressed, she kept asking for my Dad, and Mom remembered I was her daughter but could not recall my name. To make things worse I had the carpet cleaners scheduled to come and that event pushed her over the edge.  In short it was a difficult morning that I prayed would end soon.

So what a refreshing and lovely surprise this morning brought me when my Mother greeted me with a smile, humor and a positive attitude so familiar to me.  She thanked me for each cup of coffee, complemented my breakfast and dutifully took her pills.

She even remarked that every morning she wakes up her lower back bothers her. Strange that we celebrate remembering she wakes up with pain but it is a memory! When she asked me why I thought that was, I answered that she has degenerative disc disease. Mom asked how that happens and I said “Well Mom you are 80 years old.  Unfortunately it is pretty common for our bones to start to fail as we get older.” She remarked “How rude of them!”

Unpredictable Northern Nevada weather did not let us down yesterday with a big drop in temperature and light snow flurries. Mom however cannot be deterred from her daily walks with the dog. I heard her leave for her afternoon walk while I was in the back bedroom office on the computer.

Mom often exits out the front door but for some reason returns from her walks through the back gate. The gate opens to the side of the house where the office window faces the pool. I heard her open the gate and looked out the window to see her walking past wearing some very interesting head-gear. It was pulled down over her head like a cap (to cover her ears). It was a purple and black striped garment with Chartreuse green piping and two  sleeves that stuck up from her head like little antennas. I of course instantly recognized it as Timmy’s (the dog) sweater!

I opened the window and joking said “Hey Mom what is that thing that you have on your head? I think it might be Timmy’s dog sweater.” Without missing a beat she walked past with the snow falling around her and said “Who cares, I think it might be warm.” ……Touche.

My Mother was mostly a stay at home Mom and did a really good job of taking care of us. Consequently it is the most difficult thing for her to stop doing. I try to stay out of her way and let her continue to do the things that she can manage, even if she doesn’t quite get them right.

One task she always volunteers for is setting the table at mealtime. She jumps right in and most of the time does a good job of proper place setting. Tonight we did our parts, her setting the table and me cooking and serving the food. We both were seated at the table when she commented I had nothing to drink with my meal. Now this is something we go through at every meal because she likes a beverage with her meal and I rarely do. Obviously she is no longer capable of retaining that fact.

Right on schedule she offered to get up and get me a drink. I always decline, but she was already up and headed to the kitchen so I acquiesced and said “Thanks Mom that would be great. I will just take a drink of water .”  I heard the water running for a bit longer than I thought it should take to fill a glass but I just continued to wait for her to return.

Next thing I know Mom is walking very slowly in from the kitchen carrying a very large, stainless dog water bowl and promptly places it on the table in front of me. I would tell you I was shocked but this is the second time in as many months I have been served water this way! So I just thanked her and proceeded to eat my meal. And NO I did not go so far as drinking out of it….I am a huge dog lover but even I have my limits!

Yesterday our weather turned a bit chilly. But Mom wasn’t deterred from taking one of her many walks she enjoys every day. As she was preparing to brave the cold we started a familiar game of charades/word finding as she was trying to ask me to help her find something to put on her head. It really irritates her when she can’t find a word, but this was an easy guess and I quickly retrieved a hat for her and she placed it on her head.

Mom thanked me and then looked at the dog and said “Now don’t I need something for him?” This is a VERY common exercise that we do every day to try to figure out where she put the leash after her last walk. She was getting really agitated because she was very aware that she was a bit confused. Thankfully I had just seen the leash so I grabbed it and handed it to her.

Well, Mom took the leash and proceeded to drape it over the top of her hat and then tied it under her chin. I never want her to feel embarrassed by her confusion but it was all I could do not to burst out laughing, so I had to turn away from her so she didn’t see my reaction. After I composed myself and turned back around, Mom was smiling at me and said “This isn’t what I wanted this for is it?” We both broke out laughing!  She untied the leash from her head, attached it to the dog’s collar and was on her way. I am so thankful Mom still has a her sense of humor as I don’t know what either of us would do without it!

One of the most interesting (and to be honest somewhat annoying) things  Mom does is hide things she wants to save. Especially food.  She will walk all over the house looking for the perfect “spot” to stash something. It’s like living with a little mouse who is storing their food for the winter; partially eaten sandwich in the buffet, ice cream sandwich in the cupboard, etc.

This Easter it made it fun since I have no eggs to hunt I get to look for stored food bits……..quick get my basket I found one!