(From March 2nd)

Try as I might I just can’t find a funny moment from Mom these past 3 days. Yesterday was three year anniversary of Dads death. She has no idea the day, the week or the year we are living in, but she has askes me no less than 5 times a day where her husband is only to be told each and every time he died….Hard on both of us but tonight she finally cried when I said “I am so sorry Mom, I know how hard it must be” I hugged her and she said through her tears “No you don’t and I hope you never will.” And she is right again…. I never will. She believes that’s a gift and I envy her nostalgia of a 60 year love affair. Sometimes life sucks….

(From Feb 26th)

It is difficult to witness my Mother with her genius IQ and incredible grasp of the English language now struggle with simple reading. However sometimes the universe gives us giggle.
She reads the paper every day and just now we were looking at the local paper together. She pointed to an article and said “Oh look, we are getting a new store in town!” I looked over and saw the article titled “Medical Pot Shop Clears Planning Panel”. I diplomatically decided to refrain from comment. Then she points to a word in the article and asked “What is MARGEEWONA?”. I replied “That word is MARIJUANA.” She looked at me and said ” I think I will have to pass on that one.” I laughed and said “Yes unfortunately I will too!

(From Feb 24th)

Even in her very forgetful state Mom enjoys watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, so of course we do so every night. Through all the sadness that comes from living with someone with dementia you really get a big kick out of the simple joys that you can share. These TV shows offer me that because when I get an answer right on Jeopardy or guess a puzzle on the Wheel of Fortune, Mom will look at me with amazement and say things like “Wow you got it! How did you know that?!” It is fun and funny how impressed she gets no matter how simple the answer or the puzzle.

So tonight I knew she was having one of her moments of lucidity when we were watching Wheel of Fortune and I guessed a very long puzzle. The fact was it only had about two letters left in the whole damn thing not filled in, so it was pretty obvious by the time I read it aloud what the “phrase” was. I looked over at Mom expecting my usual out of proportion reaction of praise, when she looked at me slyly and said “My, what a detective you are….” 

(From Feb 24th)

I am trying to get back into swimming so after dinner last night I went to work out at the community pool. When my workout is over I always just get out of water, towel my hair, throw on sweats and drive home.

I walked into the house and Mom points to the back of my sweat pants and says “You have a big wet spot on the seat of your pants.” I said “Yes I just got back from the pool so I have a wet bathing suit on underneath.” She smiled and sang “Here she is, Miss America!” I started to laugh and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt off my head and she stopped singing, pointed to my hair and with a deadpan look said “Oh Dear…never mind.”

(From Feb 20th)

I was leaving to go visit a friend in Reno after dinner tonight and asked Mom if she wanted to join me. She said “Well I don’t think I should come with you unless I have met them.” I told her that she had. “Did I like them?” She asked. I said that she likes them very much. “Oh good then I would love to come” she said with a big smile, “They will be so excited to see me!”

(From Feb 12th)

I am always trying to find healthy snacks to give Mom. This week it was Veggie Sticks. Sort of a potato chip replacement. My first try with her wasn’t a success so I tried again the other night. I gave her a small bowl to have with a drink and said “Hey Mom try these I think they are pretty good!” She took them warily as they are not her traditional looking snack and asked “Do I like these?” I answered honestly and said “Well last time you mentioned they might be a bit tasteless but give them another try.” She ate one and announced “Looks like I was right again!”…. Then she proceeded to feed them one by one to the dog…. He loved them…

(From Feb 8th)

I temporarily left my home and my Partner in San Diego to come live with my Mother.  My Dad passed away three years ago and although we have home care for her, my sister and brother and I thought the situation needed a closer look. Her dementia has  progressed and her personal safety is always a balance with  giving her the independence she has demanded.

I told my Mother this was not a permanent move but I would be living with her for the time being. When she asked why, I said that I knew she was lonely so I thought I would come hang out with her for awhile. Mom let me know she was happy to have me move in but when she gets a new husband I will need to move out…. I promised I would!

(From Feb 18th)

Mom and I were jogging her memory tonight, trying to share a few familiar moments together. But after a few missteps on her part I finally asked “What memories are easiest for you to recall?” She said “Seeing my children and then memories of my husband.” I asked “You remember that I am your daughter don’t you?” She smiled and replied that indeed she did. Trying to give her a gentle dig, I said “How does it feel to have a 56 year old daughter!” Mom said “Wow you look great for 56! How do I look?!” In an attempt at being a smart ass I said “Well you actually do look like you could be 56!” She looked at me with a deadpan expression and said “You aren’t very good at this game are you…”

(From Feb 9th)

I came upon my Mother sitting on the couch with a bewildered look on her face. She looked up at me and said “When did I get so OLD?” I replied “Well Mom, it didn’t overnight. It took you 80 years to get to this place.” She smiled back at me and said “Good to know I wasn’t in a hurry to get here!”

Deciding to share the journey my family is now taking with my Mother in a Blog was not one I came to lightly. My Mother Marion suffers with dementia, or it may be more accurate to say she has it and we all suffer as we watch the Mother we know and love slowly disappear.

The experience is personal and yet universal as there are literally millions of people who are in the same heartbreaking situation of witnessing someone they know and love mentally depart from their lives. But each of us approaches it in our own way and mine is to write about the light and funny moments.

Although they are the exception and not the rule it has helped me to take this journey with my Mother in a way that I think she would appreciate. She is bright and funny and was always quick with a laugh and a smile. I grew up with the perpetual optimist, a woman who was always grateful for everything she had in life.

I hope to honor her humor, her wit and share the changes we are helpless to stop with honesty. My posts won’t always be light but my focus will always come from a place of gratefulness. Because I am grateful that I have this time with my Mother. From the first moment I have a memory of her until today, she remains my favorite… the best person I have ever known.