Recently in my Mothers moments of confusion, if pressed to identify who I am, she will often answer that I am her younger sister Marjie.  This week Marjie flew in from California to see Mom and me and it has been wonderful to have her here. However having us both in the house is a bit of a challenge for Mom because she is never quite sure who is in residence.

Trying to explain to Mom who we are more than few times a day sometimes feels a bit like a bastardized version of Abbott and Costello’s Who’s on First (Okay I am not so old as to have been around for the original Abbott and Costello skit of Who’s on First but I remember as a girl seeing it on TV!)

Just yesterday the three of us where in conversation and she suddenly stood up to walk away. I asked “Mom where are you going?” she replied “Well I don’t know who you are or what you are talking about so I am moving on”. I reminded her of who we were and she said “oops sorry” and we all laughed and she sat down to rejoin the conversation.

This is not unusual to this visit but I think my Aunt Marjie was a bit taken aback on how much my Mothers dementia has progressed since she saw her last. Mom will swing from knowing one of us, to both of us, to neither of us in a few hours time. We are both patient with giving reminders but for me the hardest part is not being able to provide Mom an anchor. There is no way to create a point of reference, a touch stone. She is incapable of keeping all the players in her life straight in her mind.

A few nights into her visit, Marjie made us a lovely dinner and afterwards we all sat outside on the deck and talked. Mom was very pleasant, and present as best she can be. When we decided to retire for the evening, Mom said her good nights and walked back to her room.

A few minutes later Mom walked back outside where she found me collecting glasses and straightening the deck area. I asked was she OK and she said “Yes but I was wondering where I am?” I told her she was home. She said “Well I am glad to hear that but I not sure which one” I told her she was in Carson City, that her sister Marjie was visiting and that I was her daughter Monica. Then in an effort to lighten up the mood I said laughing “All you have to remember is that I am your perfect daughter!” Mom smiled and said “Good thing you told me.” I replied “Why? Would you have thought otherwise?” She looked at me knowingly and said “NOW who is afraid I would remember differently?” …. She still has it!