I had the rare occasion of my Mother coming out to the pool to chat with me as I enjoyed a late night swim. Typically she is asleep by my swim hour but on this night was replete with comments on the beautiful evening and the lovely moon that glowed above us.

After awhile I got out of the pool, dried off and we walked back into the house and began our lock up routine of the night. Mom asked as I locked the front door “But what about Pat? Does he have his key?” I reminded her that Dad was no longer with us and she repeated her mantra of “I guess I just don’t want that to be true” and then we proceeded to walk down the hall together.

At my bedroom door I turned to say my goodnight when Mom stopped and asked me “Why does this always happen to me at night?” I was shocked at her ability to remember the timing of her lapses but I replied evenly “Because of your memory problem you get a condition known as Sundowners. Your brain works so hard all day that at night it just gets tired of trying to keep everything straight so it kind of gives up. Then you get more confused.” Mom said “Well thank you for telling me that Dear. I guess I just have to get used to giving up at night and just go to bed.”  I said “It happens to everyone your age who has a memory problem Mom so I don’t want you to worry about it.” She smiled at me and said “That was very generous of you, thank you. Goodnight.”

Then she walked down the hall to her room and I heard her say to no one in particular, “But I still don’t think I am ever going to get used to not waiting for him to come home. That seems impossible to me.” ….. I am sure she never will.