After a very long search I finally got a job I wanted back in San Diego. My excitement about the opportunity was a bit tempered by my having to leave Mom. I knew the day would come and yet it is still a bittersweet time for me. I have so enjoyed being with my Mother but my life has to be lived as well and my dreams pursued.

The comfort comes in knowing Mom wants to stay in Carson City and so I don’t feel like she is being left behind as she is where she wants to be. Mom will have full time caregivers during the day and a dear friend of the family has recently rented a room (she is a professor in the Nursing School at UNR) so she will have company in the evenings as well. It all seemed to fall into place perfectly just as I was offered this new position that requires me to move back home.

Mom has been privy to the conversations about the new job and seems happy for me to have a new  adventure. It is hard to tell if she understands that I will no longer be here always or if she ever remembered that I was here for any period of time longer than a few days in the first place! It seems she thinks I am always just here for a visit with no concept of how long it has been or the time we have shared together.

I long ago came to terms with the fact that she is never going to fully appreciate the time we have spent together or hold onto any of the memories we have made. Those are for me to have and to cherish but I do know she has benefited from them in the moment. It is a mixed blessing in that she will not have to go through any sadness at seeing me leave or experience any feelings of being left behind. To her it will be another visit ended, goodbyes with promises to see each other soon and then she will forget I was ever there before I get a mile out of town.