I had a bit of a jolt today when my partner came home and shared a conversation she had with a friend. He had shared with her that he felt “sad” for his friends (we were included in that bunch) because our lives seem so hard. He went on to describe how his is so carefree and yet many of his friends are not as lucky in life.  He was quick to point out how good his life was running and intimated ours was frought with obligation and burden. 

On hearing this, I first went to my defensive space, wondering how anyone could interpret my life in that way. Then I dashed into the door marked “guilty”, and wondered, have I posted too much that represents our caring for my Mother at home as drudgery?

In truth, reality is so far from it I am ashamed if it looks to be so. YES it is occasionally tedious, exhausting and often sad. YES it shapes each day to conform to the best way to manage our lives around Moms care. YES we miss out on much and spontaneous living is on hold for the foreseeable future.

But the trade off is the reward. The love I feel for a partner, so kind and giving in how she cares for my Mother, is one I could never have experienced had I not been a witness. 

The comfort I can offer my Mother when she is afraid and confused in the middle of the night, would not be possible where she not here with me. That is one of countless examples that makes me glad I am close by.

I am grateful the reason my Mother is with us is because, at this time in our lives, the universe makes it possible. I feel lucky that for this moment in time we can have her with us and it works.

For me personally I can find no greater joy in having the stars aligned for this to be possible, as I know this too will pass. But for today, I am grateful beyond words, as it is my privilege to spend time with and care for my Mother. Even when the times get hard, and they do, I will forever be thankful for these memories.

I believe there is no substitute for the participation of living with and caring for a loved one when the ability for reciprocity is diminished. You learn it is not a test, an obligation or a job. It is a state of being that brings a texture and depth to your life that can only be appreciated through that experience.

So when a friend spoke of sadness it seemed foreign to me. Sadness only visits when I miss the mom I once knew. Outside of that I feel so grateful to be able to care for my Mother. It is my gift to her for all she has given and been to me and without reservation and question ….That brings with it, happiness!