One of the most difficult things about getting older for me is dealing with losing family members that were such central characters in our dynamics. It goes without saying the biggest loss has been my Father. Don’t get me wrong, Pat Flynn was not without baggage that made life with him more than an occasional challenge. But he was also one of the the most sensitive, kind and courageous people I have ever known. I remember his strengths much more in his absence and that is reinforced each day by my mother.

Like all marriages my parents had more than a few up and downs.  Many a time the jury was out on why my mom stuck it out with my Dad right up until the end. But devoted to my Dad since high school she remained. The refreshing part of that commitment is the memories she has retained surrounding my father. Everyday she mentions him and each time it is with fondness and longing.  She never says or remembers a negative thing about my dad. Mom is always asking about him, looking for him and waiting for Dad to come home.

My Father is mentioned so constantly in my life that it is almost as if he is still alive and well, but just off on another Mexico trip with us awaiting his return! It feels that way so that is what I have settled mom into believing. In her dementia she gets very angry if you remind her dad has died as she will swear she just saw him…. and who I am to say she hasn’t. So being on a diving trip in Baja makes perfect sense and so that is the story that sticks and gives her the most comfort on why he is absent.

Some days it is difficult for me, as I wish we could share how hard it is to miss him and I want to reminisce, ask her about early details in their lives together and generally share memories. But his everyday presence is commanded to be as if he still lives and so I play along and speak of him in the present. Everyday my father is alive, traveling and loving his life vacationing in Baja.

In the end that is how my dad would have wanted to spend his afterlife, just as he spent his favorite past time when he was with us, spearfishing in the waters of his beloved Baja California Mexico. It makes my mother happy to think about him there and I am sure every day it is exactly what my dad would have wanted for them both!